Nose Crap

Allow me to reminisce for a while. Ok, I'm thinking back to when the kids were about a year and half old. So many stories, so little time. Back then, Mike used to work until 10 or 11pm at night on weekdays, so to help me out he would do most of the diaper changing on the weekends.

One such day, after the kids awakened from their afternoon nap, Mike was changing them but failed to clean the dried up crap that had accumulated around their noses (I know, blech!). I explained to him that cleaning nose crap was an absolute "do" because no one wants to look at it, no matter how adorable your kids are. Mike felt it wasn't a big deal and that it would come off on its own eventually. I asked him to please promise that when I die (I'm a hypochondriac, so I always think I'm dying) he will make cleaning nose crap a priority. Mike promised that when I die, cleaning nose crap would be so high on his "to do" list, that he would in fact hire someone to specifically clean the crap around their noses. I was indeed impressed.

He proceeded to tell me how the interviewing process would go. One of the questions each applicant would have to answer was, "If I had $50 on my desk and I noticed it was missing, should I be suspicious of you and blame you for taking it?" He went on to say that he imagined the first girl he interviewed would reply, "Mr. Kaplan, you would never have to worry about me stealing from you because it has been my life's dream to clean the crap from around your kid's noses." He continued saying that the second applicant would say, "Mr. Kaplan, I would never steal from you, but as a gesture of my integrity and loyalty to you and your family, please dock my next two paychecks". (By the way, this was a real, unembellished, conversation that we had...I can't make this stuff up).

Based on these responses which girl did he hire? You have 5 seconds(the clock started,dummy)...4...3...2...1.
The applicant that Mike chose was (drumroll please) the one with the biggest breasts! I kid you not.

I am convinced that is the reason I haven't dropped dead yet. I don't need him sitting shiva for me in Hawaii with his large-chested, nose-crap cleaner consoling him.