Bar Mitzvah Speech

I haven't written in 2 years and during that time my twin sons, Ben and Max, were Bar Mitzvahed. At our reform temple it is customary for 1 or both of the parents to give a speech to their children. My brother-in-laws both said and I quote, "I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats!" (obviously one of them stole it from the other). In any event, I've decided to share it on my blog for posterity's sake since no one reads this damn thing anyway. So here we go:

Well, well, well. I can't believe how quickly this day has come. The years truly have flown by. I may have mentioned in passing that you guys gave me quite a tough time when I was pregnant I actually remind them everyday (I said this to the audience).

Allow me to elaborate. It was 9 months filled with uncertainty, worry, vomiting, pain and a very loooong 3 month bed rest. During those months I had the opportunity to watch lots of television. One day, I tuned into the Oprah Winfrey show which happened to be all about expectant parents. One of the guests suggested that soon-to-be moms write a letter to their unborn babies for the to read when they were older. Being bored and hormonal I thought it was a brilliant idea and did just that. I think now is the perfect opportunity to read it to you both.

(Side note: they knew nothing about this letter and it was handwritten on a yellow sheet of paper and dated 10/1/97)

My Dearest sons,

I am 32 weeks pregnant with the 2 of you. Yesterday, your father and I went to the doctor and he told us that I had finally reached the point where if you were born right now you would be healthy and well babies. I truly felt a wave of relief come over me knowing that after a difficult pregnancy (yes - you even managed to give me a hard time in the womb) characterized by the phrase "very high risk" and months of worry, that we finally reached this important milestone. Your Dad and I know that in about a month you will be born and we will finally get to meet face to face. You'll be in for it guys - lots of hug, kisses and love for the children we waited almost 4 years to have. You see, your father and I tried for almost 3 years before I finally became pregnant with the 2 of you. Having you will mark the end of an often desperate struggle that we endured to have a family. The 2 of you have made it all worth it.

Please always know, that having the great honor of bringing you into this world and watching you grow into wonderful, loving and caring spirits will be the most gratifying and fulfilling experience of my life. Your Dad and I love you unconditionally and will do our best to guide you and support you throughout your lives. Let me apologize inn advance for any mistakes we will inevitably make (this is our first time at this parenting business, you know).

Max and Ben, please always remember that your are and always will be the lights of our lives. If you haven't noticed, as usual I have taken the liberty of speaking for your father. I know for a fact that he couldn't agree more with every word I've said.

Can't wait to hold you in my arms.

Love always,

Mom

Since the time I wrote that letter, I've had the pleasure of learning what makes you each so special and so completely opposite. A true "odd Couple" really.

Ben - You have the morality and ethics that we could have only wished the banking industry had. You have always had an innate sense of knowing right from wrong. You are truly fearless!

I remember your kindergarten teacher pulling me aside to tell me how you stood up for a friend in class that had been picked on by a boy was literally 3 times your size (Samantha Glicker and that big kid Steven). She said that when you saw your friend crying you ran up to the bully, pushed him and yelled at him to never pick on her again. Your teacher was pretty surprised since you were the youngest and smallest in your class. She was secretly proud and amused at your chutzpah. I was even more amused when that same boy came up to me several weeks later to tell me that he suddenly considered you one of his best friends. Even he couldn't help but respect you. You were a person of action even at that young age.

I am in perpetual awe of how quickly you are able to learn and figure things out. As a result, you've embarrassed your father numerous times by fixing our dishwasher, his cell phone, and countless other household items after his many failed attempts.

Your discipline and lightening coordination in karate has lead you to be the youngest black belt in your dojo. What I respect even more is the control you have shown over the years by not using your skills against others who have picked on you. You truly don't want to hurt anyone, despite the fact that Dad and I are usually telling you to kick some serious butt.

Your are truly older than your years, Ben, in so many ways.

Max - You've always had an amazing sense of humor and wit. Take it from me - that's a sign of great intelligence (*I laughed and looked innocent*). I remember when you were in kindergarten, you asked me if you could go to clown school. Being a supportive parent, I told you that I had no problem with clown school. My only stipulation was that you needed to be able to make enough money clowning, to move out of the house and support yourself. After some careful thought, you decided that you had really only wanted to go so you could learn the correct way to throw a cream pie. Then you asked if you could have a whoopee cushion instead of clown school. I bought you 2 whoopee cushions.

You have a magnetism that draws people to you like moths to a flame. It is a true gift that most people only dream of having.

Did I mention how smart you are? I know you prefer to be goofy, but even though you hate to have to do any kind of work you still manage to get almost a 95 average in school and achieve quite a high belt in karate as well.

When I am down you always manage to make me feel better.

You, Max, are truly a kind, gentle soul.

It has be a gift to have been able to watch you both find your way in life. I have no doubt that you will be truly great men of honor and integrity just like your Dad. Today is just one more reason that I am soooooo very proud of you. I love you always and forever.

So that was it. Thank God I have no issues with public speaking, particularly since I had to hold a 30 pound Torah the entire time I read this speech! My friends swear that they thought they caught the boys crying and tearing up a bit during it. I wish they had bawled like babies so I could have made fun of them afterwards - just an example of my super nurturing nature.