Flatulence

God knows, flatulence is an unavoidable part of life. There are certain ways to handle this condition that vary upon the company you're with at the time. If you're with your spouse, by all means let it rip. He married you for better or worse, you know. If you're with your friends sitting at lunch, hold it in while sitting or excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. If you are at a party and can't hold it in, fart inconspicuously and keep walking, letting the fumes disperse behind you. If none of these are possible, stand next to your husband so it looks like he did it. After all, no one would think a woman could cause that offensive odor.

It's all about forethought and utilizing the appropriate escape plan. Unfortunately, an associate of my husband's showed no couth whatsoever during a flatulent situation. Case in point - 2 associates were in my husband's office discussing whatever financial planners discuss. One of the men excused himself to go to the bathroom. Once gone, my husband and the other associate realized that the stench in the office was making their eyes water and paint peel off the walls. The other man was quick to state that he was not responsible for the foul stench and abruptly left. It was so incredibly smelly, that Mike stuck a post-it note covered with magic marker under his nose to mask the stink, in a futile attempt to continue to work. Disgusted, he finally had to evacuate the room for 10 minutes to allow it to air out. In the mean time, he yelled at the man he believed was responsible and told him to fart in his own office from now on, preferably with the door closed.

Once confronted, the man still didn't own up to it. Doesn't he realize that the big tip off was his quick exit to the bathroom? I guess he was never schooled in the final rule of flatulence. When all else fails, proudly own up to your gas and apologize, otherwise someone might write a blog about you.