Childhood Unscathed

Growing up, I had very few incidents in which I seriously injured myself. I emerged from childhood, relatively unscathed.

The first experience with the emergency room, was when I was a very little girl and chose to stick an M&M up my nose. It seemed like a good idea at the time. My parents were horrified, and took me to the hospital. By the time we got there, it had melted. As a result, our family motto was, "M&M's melt in your nose not in your hands".

About a year later, I decided to spin until I was so dizzy I fell over and hit my eyebrow on the corner of a table (I was a lonely child). After much hysteria (my mom's) and five stitches, I still have a scar as a remembrance not to spin anymore. The only one who notices it is my son, Ben, who loves to point out all my imperfections including the size of my heinie.

Another time, I was jumping on my parents bed with my brother who is 11 years older then me. In the midst of our fun, he grabbed my arm and dislocated it. My parents had company over who insisted it was probably nothing. Based on this genius, they opted to ignore my cries for help. My inept brother played nurse until they came to their senses. They finally took me and my dangling arm to the hospital, where a doctor took great pleasure in popping it back into it's socket while I screamed bloody murder.

Finally, when I was in second grade I stuck my foot into my Dad's exer-cycle. It was an electric bike, that was one of many instruments of torture he used as part of his grueling exercise routine. I had mastered turning the switch on and off with one foot while I sat atop. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that the other foot was being crushed by the mechanical menace. My mother had her normal reaction - a nervous breakdown. Luckily, I had only one broken bone in my foot. I even enjoyed being on crutches and getting a lot of attention. They were great for wacking my classmates. Miraculously, when the bandages on my foot were removed, the wart that had been on the bottom totally disappeared. Previously, "Compound W" hadn't even made a dent in it!

That's everything. Not too bad, at all! If you think about it, my husband and children have done way more damage to me both mentally and physically, between their crazy antics and the C Section!